How to Rebuild Self-Trust by Listening to Your Nervous System
Many people struggle with self-trust not because they’re broken, but because they’ve learned to ignore their body’s signals.
This post is part of a short series exploring people-pleasing, boundaries, and rebuilding self-trust through a nervous-system-informed lens. If you’d like to read the earlier posts in this series, you can start with People-Pleasing as a Nervous System Response and Why Boundaries Feel So Hard.
How Self-Trust Gets Disrupted
When we repeatedly override discomfort, we lose confidence in our inner guidance. Decisions become anxiety-driven instead of grounded.
Self-trust isn’t built by thinking harder. It’s built by listening inward.
Learning to Listen Again
Self-trust grows through small moments of attunement:
Pausing before agreeing
Honoring subtle discomfort
Letting the body inform decisions
Over time, clarity replaces confusion.
A Self-Trust Anchor: Don’t JADE
When we feel pressured to say yes, many of us start JADEing—trying to justify, argue, defend, or explain our needs.
But over-explaining often weakens self-trust rather than clarifying it.
A helpful reminder, drawn from the work of Leslie Vernick, is simply: don’t JADE.
Instead, stay grounded and keep it simple:
Acknowledge: “I understand this matters to you.”
State the fact: “I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
Name what you need: “I’d like to find another time.”
Then pause.
If there’s pushback, repeat the core message calmly, without adding new explanations. Over time, your nervous system learns it can trust you to listen. Others learn you mean what you say.
The Role of Self (IFS-Informed)
When we lead from a calm, centered place inside, parts don’t need to work so hard. Decisions feel aligned rather than forced.
Self-trust grows when Self is present and protectors don’t have to overfunction.
Series Closing Invitation
You don’t need to live on high alert.
If rebuilding self-trust feels hard or confusing, therapy can help you regulate your nervous system and reconnect with yourself. You’re welcome to learn more about how I work or reach out when it feels right.
